Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
