Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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