I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
