hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
