Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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