that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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