ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
