today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
