when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
