Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Randomize
