I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
