3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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