our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
