I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
