Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
