Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
