taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
