I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
