i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
