she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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