If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
