So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
