You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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