remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
