the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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