i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
