True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
