I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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