bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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