I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
