it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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