Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
