just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
