Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
