I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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