I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
only you would photoshop your dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
