Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
