I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
