i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
