Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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