dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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