as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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