So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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