so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
