I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
