the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
