We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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