Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
