I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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