I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
