We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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