dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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