He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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